Returns.

Assalamualaikum. Hey. I'm back! Rasa nak nyanyi lagu Back je lol. So.. Wow. Its been a long time huh. Just now I was scrolling through my phone and I found a few interesting blogs. Then suddenly I remembered at my own blog which is being completely abandoned hahaha. Sooo I made my way to the laptop and opened my blog. I missed typing like this so much huhu. Actually I was planning to write an entry before new year comes but that time I was so lazy and currently busy with you know, stuffs. But well, here I am. Yeay. 

 

I'm back!

So well, you see, a long time means a long story right? Yeay again. So this holiday I've been like sitting on the bed scrolling twitter facebook etc etc watching Infinite yessss idk why but I'm currently facing a serious disease called Infinite syndrome. I mean they're the best group ever! And yes, I've never said that about any of the k-groups before but they're the first one that managed to capture my heart, like totally.

And tell me just who can't resist these 7 idiots? You? Oh okay I'm wrong. But well, i still love them!
They may be a bunch of silly boys but their songs are totally perfect. I mean, since I'm into hip hop so yeah their songs matches me well. Different people, different taste. Most of the people in my school likes English songs, except me of course. Idk why just.. forget it lol . Tbh English pop rock songs is also not bad, just the language's kind of.. you know, too much swearing and bad words etc etc. And well, you should try listening to their songs too! "But you don't understand the song how can you even like it?", yeah yeah I know you see I prefer music first than the lyrics. After listening then I'll go through the meanings. So yeah, try listening to them! I'd like to recommend Dilemma (this is the most asdfghjkl i mean the song is in Japanese but sure the music's damn good), Back (this song makes me feeling like crying, you know, about the boy trying to save a girl who doesn't even love him, it hurts me lol), Destiny (a perfection) and etc etc search it yourself haha. You see, I really love music and I'm really into them but well, I'm currently memorizing the Quran so I'm in the process of restraining myself from listening to much of it haha for the sake of akhirat, of course it doesn't matter.

You see these days idk why but I'm having a feeling like.. You know, everytime I was about to tweet or comment or post something, I'll suddenly cancel it because there's this feeling like, what would people think of it, they don't even care, what if they thought me as an attention seeker etc etc etc. Then there's this one day I was scrolling Twitter and found an image.

 

Exactly. I was afraid of what would be people's opinion about me. Because you see, there's this time when I used to tweet a lot and there's this boy, I mean these boys be like, calling me an attention seeker, saying that no one even cares of what I'm tweeting and I got totally hurt and cried all night long hahahahaha well, tbh we argued quite worse so yeah, I'm considering that as a past and that it would never happen again. And I hate boys like seriously. I mean, who won't hate someone that called them bitch? Just, I hate them. Well, not all of them are bad actually, only most of them. You see, I'm someone who can't stay mad for a long time so I forgave them just like that. Yeah and I hate myself for being like that, I mean just why haha. Sure it is a past but just thinking of it makes me feel like going to their homes at night while carrying a knife, stabbing them one by one violently and eat all of their freaking meats. Yeah I know, gross haha ew. So lets just skip that, past is past. Surely, words can be forgiven, but not forgotten.

And time flies so fast, its already 2015, just.. Can you believe it? Haha. Well, 2014 had been such a hard year for Malaysia and for me hahahaha with MH370, MH17, QZ8501 (my deepest condolences for the families involved), floods etc etc. Surely its a test from God. So as his slaves, all we could do is pray, pray and pray. Lets pray that 2015 will be a better year filled with joys and ease. Amin. Sooo I'm already 16. Tsk. Can I just stop growing up and be a little kid back? I miss my childhood moments. Dear Peterpan please take me to the Neverland, I don't want to grow up huhuhu.

5 days more before going back to the school. Yeah tbh I hate it. I hate it being in that school, I hate it how people there loves to judge others, I hate it living there. I asked about quitting to my parents and they immediately answered no. And when they answers no it means never. So yeah, I've got to stay there for 2 years more. 2 years more suffering, 2 years more crying, 2 years more being a wallflower. I've been enduring for the whole 3 years back then so 2 years are nothing right? Of course I missed my friends. But just the thought of stepping back inside there makes me feeling like shouting and crying angrily. I DON'T WANT TO GO BACK THERE. I hate it. I hate my life. But then there's this time I was organizing my father's closet and I found a file. I opened it and found that all of it was my father's certificates, important documents and some stuffs. Then guess what I found at the back of the file? My invitation letter. Yeah, the letter that brought me to that school. My father keeps it. And that just made the whole things become harder. Then I thought for a while. If I can't do it for myself, then let's just do it for my parents. And yeah, I've been thinking things over and I've finally decided. I'll continue. For my parents. It hurts me like totally but well, parents know best. So I'd be trusting them first before myself.

Oh and my PT3 result. Well, its fine with me and my parents so basically, its okay. Of course I won't be telling the full result hahahahaha. And yeah, I'm currently thinking about my future recently. Just imagine it, I'm already 16 and I only think about it now, I mean, I've wasted 15 years of my life playing around. And worse, I don't even have an ambition! Haha teruk kan? So I've been thinking through few things. Doctor? Hell no I'm scared of blood. Engineer? Tak minat, sorry. Teacher? Its okay with me but my mother once told me that its a tiring job so.. no haha. So I've decided to just choose between Biology and Account since I'm currently in form 4 and well, I'm interested in Account more but to think of it, Bio gives more benefits to the daily life I mean you can learn how this works, how that happens and you know.. science. And for now, I chose Bio. But who knows I might change it later right? Haha.

So yeah, its 2015. I've decided to start things over. I want to forget the horrible past. Eventhough I've got to stay there for 2 years more huhuhu. And I've been thinking about several things like you know, how to face them, what if this happen and that etc etc. Life has been hard for these 3 years but well, I'm a teenage now, I've got to manage things myself and be more matured. Lets just pray, shall we? And this 24th January is my birthday yeay and I'm currently hoping that during the time I'm at home and not there just please please please. Alright then, will write again whenever I have time. Bye peeps. Assalamualaikum. :)